Tomorrow, I'll be exactly 12 weeks pregnant. I've been wanting to write about my pregnancy thus far since a couple of weeks ago, but I thought I should wait cos 12 weeks is the "safe" time to let people know that I'm preggers.
I wanted to document every little thing about my first trimester cos this is my first pregnancy, and also cos I've gotten quite a bit of support through reading the blogs of other new mothers and mothers-to-be. I'm hoping that should any mothers-to-be stumble across my blog, my heartfelt and honest words will give them the same support and encouragement that other blogs have given me. So here goes:
The Discovery
KU and I went for our holiday to Paris/London in the third week of April, and my sister was excitedly urging us to "go as 2 and return as 3". And we really did toy with the idea of "making" a baby during the trip, but after calculating the exact dates of my ovulation period, we realised that it was not possible.
Anyhoos, we enjoyed ourselves very much over our 2-week holiday, though my period was supposed to come on the last day of our trip which, thankfully, was the day we were taking the flight back to Singapore. My period didn't come on that day, which was not a big deal, cos my period tends to come slightly late, usually 2 days late.
After we returned, everytime my tummy ached a little, I would go running to the loo to check if my period has come. (My digestive system hasn't been very good for the past few months and I usually feel the pain over a large area of my abdomen, so sometimes I'm not even sure if the pain is due to digestion problems or if it's cramps in the lower abdomen.) This happened for a week, and each time I checked, there was no sign of my period coming.
In the mean time, I realised that my body was changing. My boobs were feeling really sensitive, so much so that when I put on my undergarment, I would wince cos it hurt. Some ladies would attribute that to a sign of their period coming cos the boobs would usually be very tender and sensitive during that time of the month too. But I've never experienced that before, so I was sure the sensitivity in the boobs was caused by something else.
Another thing which alarmed me was how unusually tired I felt during the day. I mean, I feel tired most of the time cos of my sleeping habits, but I could usually successfully stay awake during the day. This time though, I was falling asleep at my desk at different hours of the day and I couldn't concentrate on my work at all. And then I remembered my sister telling me that she felt unusually tired at the start of her pregnancy too.
Finally, one day during my lunch break, (when my colleague wasn't able to lunch with me) I bought myself a pregnancy test kit. And I made sure to choose the one which claimed to be the most "sensitive" so that I could (hopefully) get a more accurate result. I read somewhere before that the first flow of urine in the morning will get the more accurate reading, so I waited till the next morning to test.
And ta-dah!!
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| The dawning of reality |
It was positive!
When I saw the 2 lines appear in the window, I was overjoyed! I already had this naggling feeling that I might be pregnant for the past week and the test confirmed my suspicion.
And the next thing I did was take pictures of the test. Haha.. I wanted to send the picture to KU, who was on his way to work, to prove to him that I really was pregnant. (He previously doubted me when I told him about the pregnancy symptoms I was showing.)
And the next thing was to tell my sister and SST the good news too! :)
The Changes
Within the first month alone, I saw a HUGE increase in my appetite. :x My sister told me that the appetite increase usually sets in after the first trimester though. And I also read that the "eating for 2" only happens in the 3rd trimester. *horrified face* But I was hungry all the time, and drinking water didn't help fill me up. So I started eating more snacks. And putting on weight. :(( So if my friends read this and see me next time, I'm not fat, just pregnant. :D
I also became more emotional and sensitive. KU got the brunt of this, cos I was around him most of the time when the emo-ness struck. Hehe.. Like every couple, we have our disagreements over both big and small stuff. Usually we'll each say our piece, stew a little, pull long faces at each other for a while and then make up. But there was one night when I was cooking and cos I started my prep work late and hence dinner was ready rather late, KU came home to find me still boiling noodles and he wasn't happy about it cos he was famished. So he asked me to sit down and he will finish boiling up the noodles. And when I asked him if he was unhappy, he simply said, "I don't like to eat dinner so late". The usual unpregnant me would have said, "I'm sorry, next time I'll get dinner ready earlier" and that would be it. BUT because it was a pregnant and very sensitive me then, I promptly burst into tears. KU was stunned and I was shocked. And the tears just wouldn't stop. I think I cried for a good 5 minutes before I could stop and it really surprised me.
Due to the pregnancy hormones, I've also had a couple of physiological changes. I've grown pimples on my chin (I usually get them on the forehead) and my usual facial products don't seem to be as effective in combatting them. I've also gotten more backne, and the pimples are quite big and painful. :( Praying hard that they don't get any worse!
The Challenges
To be honest, the first month of my pregnancy was a breeze. I'd already stopped going to the gym, was staying away from the "cooling" foods, was keeping my spirits up, and other stuff that pregnant women are supposed to do - what could go wrong?
Well, I didn't expect work stress to cause problems to me and my baby. I had my first threatened miscarriage into the 6th week of my pregnancy. The day before I started bleeding, I was up and about the whole day, working on a photoshoot for my company's annual report. Colleagues who were supposed to be present for the photoshoot didn't turn up on time and weren't picking up their mobile phones, so I had to go to their offices/labs to ask them to quickly come for the photoshoot. Some of them weren't sure of the location, so I had to go "pick" them up and walk them to the photoshoot locations. There were a number hiccups in the schedule and it was truly one of the most tiring days of my work in this company.
That same night, when I woke up in the middle of the night to visit the loo, I saw that there was blood on the toilet paper after I'd cleaned myself. I was shocked and very very scared and worried. I woke KU up by shouting, "Bb! I'm bleeding!" and cos he'd read the guide book given by KKH previously (something about spotting being a sign of the fertilised egg attaching itself to the uterus wall and is quite common), he assured me that everything would be fine. So after shedding a few tears and praying, I went back to sleep.
The next morning was Vesak Day, and also my mum's birthday, so my family came over for breakfast and I made pancakes with banoffee and cinnamon apple toppings. I was busy rushing around the kitchen the whole morning so I didn't have time to visit the loo. When I finally did so after breakfast, the bleeding had stained my underwear. I panicked and asked my sister about it, and though she said the same thing as KU, my mum and brother-in-law advised me to go to the emergency clinic at KKH.
Thank God we went to KKH. The gynae examined me and told me that I had a threatened miscarriage. I was so relieved and grateful when she did the scan and showed us the baby on the monitor. Seeing our baby's tiny heartbeat, I felt so amazed and joyful. I couldn't help but thank God that the baby was fine. The gynae then gave me a hormone jab and prescribed some hormone pills to me to support the pregnancy.
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| Baby at approx. 6 weeks |
The following Friday, a week after the bleeding stopped and everything seemed okay, I had abit of a run-in with my boss at work. I was feeling very stressed and anxious about my work performance, which my boss wasn't very happy with. When I reached home, I found that I was bleeding again, even though I was still taking the hormone pills. It was really distressing and worrying to think that I was going through another threatened miscarriage so soon after the first one.
As I was alone at home, I did some thinking on my own and decided that I would quit my job and rest at home. I was so thankful and blessed that KU supported me in my decision.
This is by no means the end of our worries though. With my quitting my job, we have become a single-income family, and with a baby added into the equation, and the evergrowing expenses, I'll say that this is only the beginning. However, I truly believe that when God gives, God will provide. We just need to do our part to be thrifty, spend only what is necessary, and God will help us to get through any financial difficulties. On my part, I've started looking for home-based jobs and am planning to make good use of this time to explore some business opportunities.
How the pregnancy has affected us
I don't know if it's cos of the pregnancy hormones, but somehow I feel emotionally closer to KU at certain times. It's as though the knowledge that I'm carrying his child makes me feel so. KU has also been very sweet, taking over most of the housework and not letting me do much around the house (and I'm very happy to let him do that too. Hehehe..) The only thing I insist on doing is the ironing, cos it's not strenuous and knowing that I'm contributing in some way makes me feel....useful.
Now, every morning before KU leaves for work, and at night before he sleeps, he will stroke my lower abdomen and say goodbye/good night to the baby. It makes me feel so so happy when he does that cos it's such a sweet gesture and also cos it shows me that he loves and wants the baby as much as I do (not that I ever thought that he didn't want/love the baby, but you know, sensitive pregnant woman needs reassurance sometimes).
Sometimes, before we go to sleep, we'll think of (and sometimes argue about) boy and girl names for our child, or we'll discuss how we want to bring up our child, what values we hope to instill in him/her etc. I really enjoy such talks cos we can then lay out our hopes and fears and support and encourage each other.
My thoughts about all these
The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about my pregnancy and the journey thus far is how grateful I am. To God, for giving us this wonderful gift; to my family and in-laws for their support; to KU for his love and patience, to SST for her encouragement and infectious enthusiasm.
In the past whenever I hear people say that children are gifts from God, I'm like Yup, okay. Not that I disagree - in fact, I totally agree with what they say. But because I've never experienced it for myself, I never understood how great that gift was. Until now. Every night I thank God for this amazing gift, and I tell him how much I love this gift from the bottom of my heart.
At the same time, I feel abit sad that my children will not have the chance to experience Aunty Shirley's love like my sister and I had. I can only imagine how much love Aunty Shirley will have for my sister and my children if she were around, and the Bible stories she will tell them.
I fear too, about the society we live in, and how my children will be affected. Just last week I read an article about an 11-year-old girl who initiated sex with her 21-year-old boyfriend had got pregnant. At 11 years old! I was horrified and I couldn't help but think of the girl's parents. How they must have felt when they discovered it. And I tell KU that I want to bubble-wrap our children next time and lock them up at home so that they don't get hurt in this crazy world of ours. *crazed, overprotective mother mode* But I take comfort in the fact that as Christians, we have a loving God who will watch over our children when we can't and protect them when we are unable to. Even if in their life journeys somehow God decides that they need to get hurt in order to become better people, He will bring them back onto the straight path. The thought of it is comforting yet scary at the same time.
My prayer for our child is for him/her to be a Godly, healthy, and happy person. I used to tell KU that I hope our child becomes a doctor/lawyer/businessperson and earn lotsa money so that we can share in his/her fortune. *money-minded mother mode* But after I got pregnant, my thoughts just changed. Now I think to my child, I just hope you'll be a happy person, cos many people don't know what happiness is nowadays. And I hope you'll love God more than your parents do.
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